I Can't Remember
by Kayceee
Summary: What was he saying? I couldn’t remember anything? Or that I would never remember anything? Ever? I was scared and confused. Very, very confused. R&R! BxE. All human.
1. Chapter 1

**hey, so this is my first fanfic. i think it's pretty good. tell me your opinion and i'll love you forever! haha.**

**disclaimer: yeah, i own nothing to do with twilight. i do wish though...(:**

Blank Awakening

I didn't know what to think. I was lost, confused, guilty. What they were telling me didn't make any sense. How could she be gone? She couldn't, could she? I hated them at that moment. I didn't have a reasonable excuse for hating them, or anyone for that matter, because I didn't even know who they were telling me about. What did it matter to me? I didn't know, but I felt angry at them just the same.

They told me Angela was dead. Who is that? That there was a car accident. One that I happened to participate in. That my sister was dead. I had no idea what they were talking about. Doctors, nurses kept running about around me. I felt as though I was moving in slow motion. I sat up from the hospital bed I was sitting in slowly, almost hoping, no, praying, that this horrible nightmare was just that, a horrible nightmare. The guilt i felt when they told me i was the reason this mystery girl was dead was terribly crushing.

"Bella?" I heard someone question me with a worried voice from my side. "Bella, sweetie, are you alright?"

"What do you mean?" I questioned right back, turning my head to face the voice. As I continued to sit up straighter, I noticed my voice was oddly scratchy. "I'm fine…"

And then it hit me, a crashing wave of vertigo far stronger than any I had ever felt.

"Honey, please just stay down. You hit your head pretty hard." I labeled the saddened voice as belonging to Renee, my mother. What did she mean I hit my head?

_Ah, that's what she meant_, I thought to myself as I began to feel the peculiar numbness that I had recognized earlier wear off and the throbbing in my head became increasingly more noticeable. I reached up to touch my head where the throbbing felt the worst. My hand met the itchy bandages wrapped around my head to protect my supposed injury.

"I hit my head? When, what happened? Why am I here?" I fired at her in a low voice, not giving her any time to answer the questions.

"Slow down, baby. You were in an accident? Do you remember that?" she asked me in a soothing voice, but I could hear the trembling she seemed to be trying to hide. And I could see the puffiness in her eyes from her crying.

"An accident? No, I can't remember…" And I really couldn't remember, I barely even knew where I was for that matter.

"Well, you and your sister, you were hit by a drunk driver, or so I'm told. You were driving, do you remember that?"

"I-I…" I stuttered before I was taken far away from the room to an unfamiliar scene. I was in what I assumed was a car from the steering wheel i was holding, as a bright light flashed, and shone brightly so that I couldn't see anything, before everything went black. I was confused by this; I had not the faintest idea as to where it had come from.

As I gradually came back to my senses, I noted Renee's terrified look. She rose from the chair placed next to my bed and pressed the button on the wall that was labeled nurse's assistance. The nurse came bustling in seconds later. She checked my vitals and breathing and then said I should probably take it easy so as not to work myself up. Renee asked her if she could see the doctor.

"She doesn't seem to remember anything and I'm worried. She scared me so much when she spaced," she told the nurse. The nurse said she would get the doctor right away.

Renee started to tear up and sniffle; it was getting louder and louder as we waited for the doctor to enter the room. I simply stared confusedly at her, questioning her without my words. I was fine, wasn't I? Why was she so worked up? My confused face seemed to drive her to more extreme sobs. I was sincerely lost.

A man, who I guessed was the doctor we had be waiting for, walked in. He had graying hair and a warm, crinkly smile. His ID card read 'Dr. Rallison, M.D.' and then he introduced himself to me, telling me how nice it was to meet me.

"Hello, Bella. Do you think you can tell me your full name?" he asked me calmly, as he flashed a small light into my eye after sitting down in the chair he had pulled up.

"Uh, B-Bella…"and then I spaced again as he flashed his light in front of my other eye. I started to panic; why couldn't I remember my name? "I don't know, I can't, I-I just don't remember?"

My statement turned into a question as I frantically wondered why I couldn't remember.

"OK, Bella. Do you know what month it is?" Dr. Rallison asked me, still calm.

"November?" I said, unsure, almost positive I was wrong because, once again, my mind came up to a complete blank.

The doctor shot a quick glance toward my mother, who was practically shaking with her worry, before looking back at me.

"Do you remember anything about the crash? Your sister? Anything?" he asked me in an almost begging voice, as if he hoped I would miraculously remember something. But I just couldn't. What sister? I could not recall anything to do with a sister. Frankly, I couldn't recall anything from before waking up to the doctors around me a few hours ago. Other than, of course, that Renee was my mother.

"No, nothing...I have a sister?" I asked half amazed and half scared to death that I couldn't bring to mind anything that the doctor or my mother had asked me.

At my question, Renee started bawling even louder than before. Dr. Rallison stood and took a step back from me.

"Mrs. Swan? Would you mind joining me in the hallway?"

Renee got up and left the room with him.

_Swan. Huh, so maybe that is my last name? Swan, Swan,_ I thought to myself, a tiny bit relieved that I at least knew something about myself now.

I looked through the window next to the door to see Dr. Rallison telling something to my mother, with an expression filled with pity. I sat there for an immeasurable amount of time, just watching them talk, as my mother's face grew more and more horrified. Finally, whatever the doctor had told her had caused Renee to collapse against him sobbing uncontrollably. He held her up, shushing her, and hugging her.

This strange interaction caused me to be filled with curiosity as to what had my mother so distraught. I began to feel the throbbing pain in my head become stronger and stronger, and I began to get faint, dizzy.

A few moments later my mom and the doctor reentered the room. Renee had barely calmed down, and Dr. Rallison was hunched over, but only slightly.

"Well," he started. "I, myself, have never had a case quite like this." He paused.

"Bella, you hit your head with an extreme amount of force in the car accident. This kind of injury usually doesn't result to much more than just that. But, in your case, you seem to have developed amnesia." At this my mother wailed loudly. I was stunned into silence because of what I had just been told.

"I'm so, so sorry. Do you know what it is?" he asked me.

I couldn't do more than shake my head in reply, as my shock still had a hold on my voice.

"Well, in your case, which is extremely rare, it happens to be a case of functional _and_ organic amnesia. This basically means that although it was caused by your head trauma, it was also caused as a self-defense mechanism. You seem to have post-traumatic amnesia, as well as your head injury.

"Now, not all cases of amnesia are permanent. These cases are usually short-lived. But, there are always the few who don't overcome it, and for those it remains permanent. Yours hopefully will not be a lasting condition," he finished with a sad, but hopeful tone.

My mother rushed past him and hugged me. I didn't hug her back; I was still, completely unresponsive from my shock. I laid there with my mother clinging to me for dear life and my mouth hanging wide open.

What was he saying? I couldn't remember anything? Or that I would never remember anything? Ever? I was scared and confused. Very, very confused. And the throbbing in my head started to become increasingly more and more painful. It was almost unbearable. I thought about what the doctor had told me.

Post-traumatic what? And how would that make it self-defensive? I was oblivious to the world around me as my thoughts flew through my head faster than I could even comprehend them.

Dr. Rallison left the room, saying something about giving us time to talk about what had happened. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to really pay him any attention.

The throbbing became too much. I could no longer concentrate on anything, and my mother's crumpled form laying on me didn't help. Her distraught appearance became too much for me to handle. The crushing pain and guilt took over me and my eyes closed, allowing me to see and feel only the darkness as I left my body in the hospital bed.

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**reviews, please! tell me what you think! i love to hear what people have to say. and i don't mind constructive criticism as long as your not complete meanies to me.(:**

**i have half of the story already finished, so reviews will get you chapters quicker. 10 reviews = another chapter by monday. so get to it, REVIEW!!!**

**please and thank you, **

**Kayceee!**

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	2. Chapter 2

**ok, so here's chapter two. thanks to the two people out of the eighteen that read it for reviewing it. i love you guys! **

**and nowwwwww on to the story.(:**

**disclaimer: no ownage on the characters. but the plot is all mine. (cue evil laugh.(sorry it just felt appropriate.))**

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Who Are You?

I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar room. I was in a strange bed, strange clothes. Where was I? I started panicking, my heartbeat quickened. I sat up, and I tried to remember what had happened up until now.

I faintly remember a hospital room and my mother in tears, crying hysterically. And something about amnesia? I wasn't sure.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and realized that, when my left leg clunked down, I was in a cast.

_Huh, I wonder how I did that,_ I thought to myself, as I soon figured out that I would be unable to walk with my bulky cast in place. I had repeatedly attempted to stand up, and I consequently crashed back on to the bed over and over. My head began to throb again. I reached up to touch the pain and my hand met, once again, the bandages wrapped tightly around my head.

I growled in my frustration. I decided that I wouldn't be able to move from my spot in the room any time soon. I looked around the room. The small room was painted a buttery yellow, it was pretty. There were posters covering most of the walls. The sun was streaming through the two windows opposite the wall with the door. I guessed it was sometime during the morning. There was a dresser across from where I was sitting on the bed. It was white, old, and looked like it had seen better days. There was an assortment of picture frames on the top of it.

I decided that I liked this room. It was happy. It was bright. I just wanted to know whose it was.

I sat there for an immeasurable moment staring off into space when the door to my right opened up. I jumped at the squeaking sound the door made when it opened. My mother walked into the room. She smiled when she saw me awake. I forced a smile, but it quickly fell when my cheeks screamed in protest.

"Hi, honey. How are you?" Renee asked me with a kind smile.

"I'm fine…" I stated, still a bit unsure if I actually was _fine._

"You like your room?" she asked me, chuckling silently, as she caught me looking all around the room.

_So this was _my _room?_ I was pleasantly surprised at this thought; I liked this room.

Renee handed me a glass of water and three long, white oval-shaped pills. I stared at them unsure of what to do.

"You may want to take these. I'm sure your head hurts a bit," my mom said.

"H-how, what do I d-do with them?"I asked her, stuttering, with my still scratchy voice.

"You swallow them, sweetie. Here, put the pills in your mouth." I complied. "Now, take a sip of water, and swallow the pills with it."

I attempted to swallow the pills and ended up choking on the water. I spit the water back out into the glass along with the pills. Renee chuckled again silently.

"OK, maybe we'll just try that later." She paused. "You have some visitors downstairs, if you want to see them?"

I nodded, slightly confused. Who would want to see me? I didn't know.

"OK, baby. I'll go bring them up. You stay here, OK?" she told me. I nodded again as I leaned back against the headboard.

Renee left the room and came back a few moments later. Three people entered the room behind her. The first person to come in after her was a tiny girl with short, black hair. She sort of resembled a pixie. She had a huge smile plastered on her face, but it didn't completely reach her eyes. They were filled with what I labeled as worry.

The second person to enter the small room was a large boy. He looked Native American, as he was very tan, and had gorgeous long, black hair. He was well built, his shirt clinging to his muscles nicely. He also had the same worried yet still smiling face that the girl had.

And the last person to enter the room was, well, he was gorgeous to say the least. He was tall, and he had the most peculiar shade of bronze for his hair. He had stunning, emerald green eyes. His face lit up as he caught my eyes, noticing my ogling. I blushed and looked away, embarrassed that I had been caught.

"Well, I'll just let you guys catch up," Renee suggested and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

The pixie-like girl burst into tears the moment my mother disappeared. She fell to my side, enclosing me in a vice tight hug.

"Oh, Bella! I thought I had lost you! Forever!" she wailed. "I'm so happy you're alive; I would've missed you so much!"

She continued to sob into my t-shirt as I laid there in my silent stupor.

"Alice, I think you're scaring her," I heard a soft voice say. The girl named Alice didn't loosen her grip even a little.

I felt someone sit on the end of the bed. Simultaneously, the girl was pulled off of me. I looked up to see her on the lap of the bronze-haired boy. The tan boy, sat next to me, hugged me, and kissed my cheek. I flinched away, startled by what this complete stranger had just done.

"Um, who are you?" I asked them all in a small voice, no louder than a whisper.

Their faces wore expressions of hurt, pity, and worry. I guessed that it was because I didn't remember them.

"I'm Alice, your best friend. You, you don't even remember me?" she broke into hysterical tears again. The bronze-haired boy shushed her and tried to calm her down.

Best friend? What in the world was she talking about? I had no clue who she was. I felt a surge of guilt. Why couldn't I remember _anything_? I felt bad that I was causing this Alice so much pain.

"No, I'm sorry. I just can't, I don't remember," I apologized as I felt tears of my own begin to puddle up in my eyes and drip down my face.

"Aw, Bells, honey, it's OK. It's OK," the tan boy comforted me. He tried to hug me again, but I flinched away. It bugged me that he kept trying to do that. I didn't even know who he was.

"Who are you?" I questioned once again, anger slightly tainting my voice. He looked taken aback by my tone.

"I'm Jacob. You're my girlfriend…or were?" he said, dejectedly.

_What is he talking about? Is he saying he's my…my boyfriend?_ I was shocked, utterly shocked by this. How could I not remember my boyfriend? More startled and frightened tears fell from my eyes.

"No, you can't be," I said in a small voice. "I would remember you. Wouldn't I?"

Jacob looked like he was close to tears. I was becoming angrier by the second, but I was angry with myself, for not being able to remember. I completely flipped out on the bronze-haired boy.

"And who are you? What, my _other _boyfriend? Just someone else I won't be able to remember? You know what? I don't even care who you are." My tears drowned out my rambling, and the bronze-haired boy slid Alice out of his lap and pulled me into her place.

I collapsed against his chest, still sobbing. He hugged me tight. This action was faintly familiar; it tugged at something in my now horrible memory. I ignored that and continued my crying.

The bronze-haired boy let me cry myself out until I was just sniffling. He pulled me back from his chest and smiled sadly.

"I'm Edward, by the way. Alice's brother. I guess you could say I'm your other best friend?" he offered timidly with a small, crooked smile.

"Oh," was all I could get out.

I felt horrible; these people seemed nice enough, so why couldn't I remember them? What did I do to do deserve these wonderful people when all I could give them was, well, nothing? I couldn't even give them the reassurance that I recognized who they were. I felt like a terrible person at that moment.

I pulled away from Edward, and Alice jumped at me again. This time I hugged her back as tight as I could. If I acted like I knew her maybe some memories would return to me. Maybe it would help me remember and know things once again.

"Belly, I was so worried. And don't worry about remembering me; we'll become friends all over again. I just love you so, so, so much. I hope you know that," she said as she hugged me. Her words made me tear up all over again.

Renee walked in as we ended our hug. I looked over at her to find her smiling.

"OK, Bella needs her rest. You can come back later if you want. But now, you've got to leave," Renee said bluntly, obviously kicking them out. Edward chuckled at her, and Alice smiled widely. Jacob still looked close to tears and very hurt. I felt bad, but the feeling quickly passed.

They all hugged me goodbye, with the exception of Jacob, who I noticed grimacing as I hugged Edward goodbye. Renee sat down on the edge of my bed as they left my room.

"Oh, honey. How are you?" she asked me.

"I'm OK." I paused. "Um, Mom, can you tell me wh-, can you tell me what happened to me?"

"Well," she said with a heavy sigh, "it was last Friday night. You went to someone's end-of-summer party with your younger sister, Angela." She started to tear up at the mention of her name.

"You were drinking, or so I'm told," her voice got very stern as she said that. "The both of you were drunk and you got into Angela's car." She started crying in earnest now.

"You were on the highway, and by some stroke of bad luck, another drunk driver came at you head on. Angela," she hesitated and sniffled. "was killed instantly and you only broke your leg and got a nasty concussion.

"That's why you can't remember anything," she finished her monologue.

I was shocked. It was my fault, all my fault. She was dead, and I did it. I had killed my sister. I started to hyperventilate.

"Honey? Bella? Bella, please, calm down. I know what you're thinking," Renee said to me. "It's not all your fault. Please, don't blame yourself, you didn't mean for it to happen. I know you didn't," she finished fiercely.

At that point I just broke down. I sobbed in my mother's arms while she let me cry, and rocked me back and forth on the bed.

I knew how hard this must be for her; she had lost both her daughters in the same day. Or at least the equivalent to that. One was permanently gone, while the other, me, didn't remember anything. She had basically lost the only daughter she had left. I wasn't the same person. I didn't think I would ever be the same person I was before.

Renee stayed there with me, letting me ruin her shirt with my tears. It didn't seem to matter to her. She seemed to only care that I was taken care of.

After I had cried myself out for the second time today, she slipped me off of her lap and onto the bed. She tucked me under the comforter and kissed my cheek.

"You really do need to rest, Belly. I'll be here when you wake up, OK?" she assured me.

I nodded in response to her. And as she left my room, I nodded off, succumbing to the darkness behind my eyelids once more.

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**hope you liked it! now review it gosh, darn it. please and thank you. i'll love you forever! nowget to it! REVIEW!**

**-Kayceee**


	3. Chapter 3

**here's chapter three. sorry, i took so long. **

**my mom stole my laptop and my sister wouldn't unglue her eyes from the computer. **

**hope you like it.(:**

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**Early Morning Trouble**

I awoke to the sounding of an alarm clock that read 7:30. By the sunlight streaming through the window, I could tell it was the morning. I sat up and stretched, feeling the bruising that had formed all over my body.

I attempted to remove my self from the sheets, but found trouble when I remembered my bulky cast.

_Ugh, _I thought to myself. I could see this would get annoying. I grabbed the crutches from their place next to my bed and hoisted myself to the edge of the mattress.

My attempts at leaving my seat on the bed ended easily as I quickly found myself teetering uneasily on the crutches. I hobbled over to my bedroom door, pushing it open to reveal the hallway.

Across from me, there was a door and another one lived to my left. I turned right and made my way through the cheery, green colored hallway, a color that was recognizable to me, although I didn't know why. I reached the top of the staircase and started my decent of the steps. I could hear voices, faintly, from my perch on the stairs. They were eerily familiar, though I couldn't place whose they were.

I proceeded down the stairs wondering who could be talking. My trip down was slow and awkward because of the crutches. I groaned internally at the thought of how long I may have to use them.

I stumbled down the last step, and thankfully, I caught myself holding onto the wall before I could cause anymore lasting damage.

As I righted myself, I was greeted by a warm aroma. I didn't know what it was, but I decided that I liked the smell.

I limped my way down the rest of the downstairs hallway and made my way through a doorway. I walked into a room that had shiny, steel appliances and big bright windows. I didn't remember what the name for this room was.

Seated at the large counter in the center of the room were two familiar people, the bronze-haired god and the perky pixie. Renee was on the opposite side of the room with a mug in her hands.

When I entered the room, all talking halted and their heads were turned in my direction. Renee greeted me with a good morning and the boy and girl smiled at me. I smiled back, the pixie's smile being infectious.

"Can I get you anything, baby? Coffee, breakfast?" Renee offered me.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Coffee? Oh, here, try this." She handed me the mug and I recognized the smell from earlier. I took a sip from the mug and the warm liquid poured into my mouth. I immediately felt more awake, energetic.

_Mmm,_ I thought as a small smile crept up to my face. I liked it. I quickly drank the rest until the cup was empty.

The pixie - I forgot her name - giggled. And Renee had a smile on her face.

"You want any more?" she asked, clearly amused.

"Yes, please," I answered. She gave me a mug of my own full of this wonderful drink, and asked me if I wanted anything to eat. The boy and the girl, whose name came back to me at that moment, had plates of yellow, fluffy-looking food.

"I'll try what they have," I told her, I pointed to their food, "whatever that is," I finished.

"They're eggs," Renee told me. And she got to work on the eggs for me.

I looked over to Alice and the beautiful boy, and made my way to where they were seated. They both shot up from their seats at the same time.

"I'll get up," they both said at the same time, earning a chuckle from me. The boy's faced glowed when I laughed, something I didn't understand. He pulled out his seat for me, since he was closest to me.

"Here you go," he said to me in a gentlemanly fashion. I murmured thanks as he helped me into my seat and Alice returned to hers. I couldn't help but notice the strange static, almost electric, feeling that zipped through the hand he held to help up. I wondered if he felt it.

He moved to stand next to me, with him on my right and Alice on my left. Renee slid a plate of eggs towards me and I picked up a fork. I tasted the food as they all watched me with their steady eyes. The eggs were actually pretty good.

"Wow, this stuff is delicious!" I exclaimed, a little bit over-the-top. I blushed as they all chuckled at my response.

"I'm glad you like it, honey," mom said to me kindly. "Now, I'm just going to be in the other room across the hall. Okay, belly?" she asked me.

I nodded in agreement. And with that she left the room.

It wasn't even a second after she left the room that Alice started jabbering. I looked over to the boy – _what _was_ his name? _– and he rolled his eyes. _Edward_, that was it!

I grabbed the words _shoes, dress, funeral, _and _Friday. _I couldn't make anything from the words she was rambling on with. Only one word struck any chord of my remembrance.

_Funeral._ Angela, her funeral. My good mood almost instantly disappeared.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Edward asked me.

"Angela, her funeral," I told him. I didn't have to say any more because he understood. He enclosed me in a hug. And his arms felt, well, safe was a good word for it. I felt Alice's arm rubbing my arm.

Edward released me and stepped back.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so insensitive. It only just happened. I won't mention it again," she stated sincerely. And I believed her. I smiled at her and she gave me one back.

"But," Alice started again, stretching out the word ominously. I could almost tell that something I did not like was going to come out of her mouth. "you do desperately need a dress for the fu-" she stopped abruptly when she realized what she was saying.

She quickly backtracked, "I-I mean, I mean," she stuttered. "You need one for a special occasion, that might come up. Very soon." She trailed off at the end. She gave me an apologetic look.

I looked at Edward and his glare towards Alice was murderous. When he noticed I was looking at him, he quickly rearranged his features to a caring, kind gaze towards me.

_Odd people,_ I thought to myself, giggling internally.

"So," Alice started up again, "moving on. _You_," she said, pointing towards me with an evil-looking smirk, "need to get dressed. And I will help you. Please?"

When I didn't answer right away she started bouncing up and down in her chair with a pleading, pouting look on her face, her hands folded, begging for a yes. She made me laugh.

"Sure," I answered her. She screeched loudly in excitement.

I heard Edward let out a loud sigh. And when I looked over at him, he said, "You don't know what you've gotten yourself into."

I knew he was serious, but the tiny smirk he was trying to keep off his face told me otherwise.

Alice grabbed my hand and tugged me back towards the staircase. How I managed to stay upright with her pulling me and using the crutches, I didn't know. I heard Edward chuckling as he followed our hastened ascent of the stairs, Alice giggling and a huge smile plastered on her face the entire time.

Edward was right, what _had_ I gotten myself into?

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**did you like it? yes, no, maybe? ****tell me please! **

**i thought it was good but sorry it's so short. it seemed long on paper. haha.**

**well review! get to it, honey bunches.(:**

**-Kayceee**


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